I'll Be Missing You
by MinnesoootaHockey
Summary: With SAMCRO locked up, how does Jax & Tara's relationship hold up? Takes place right after season 3 ended. Lots of love letters & relationship flashbacks. Rated M for language & sexual situations.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer- I do not own any of the characters, all are owned by Mr. Kurt Sutter!

Hey all, I'm writing my first fanfiction based off of how season 3 ended. It picks up right when the gang is getting hauled off to jail. I wanted to do one based off of Tara being alone with the babies and Jax being in jail. I've been thinking of doing this ever since I knew they were going to prison. This is going to feature a lot of Jax/Tara flashbacks from Jax while he is locked up, so it is rated M for future sex scenes, cause hey, whats a fanfiction without steamy Jax sex? It will also have a lot of letters that J&T write to each other during his prison sentence! Oh and I was also super pissed that they didn't read Tara's letter from Jax so I made it up! (-: Please review for me! Thanks & enjoy!

Tara

I got halfway through the stack of letters Maureen sent home for Jax when I heard a knock on the door. I quietly got up and looked through the window. With Jax going to be locked up for a while, I find myself having to have a more cautious mind. After realizing it was just the prospects standing outside Jax's house, I went and opened the door.

"Hey Tara, Jax sent us here to give you this." Filthy Phil said as he handed me the envelope.

"What is it?"

"We don't know, we were just told to do it. If you need anything Tara, just let us know." Miles said.

I thanked them as I locked the door behind me. I went back to the chair in Abels room and contemplated opening the letter. I just watched the most important person in my life rat out his club and go to prison. If a member of his club doesn't kill him for ratting, who knows what kind of enemies SAMCRO has in prison that want him dead. I wasn't sure if I would ever see him again.

My heart started beating really fast and my hands started shaking as I opened the envelope to find a letter. It said,

_Tara Baby-_

_If you are reading this, you can now stop worrying about me. Stahl and Jimmy O are dead, all part of the club's plan. I was never a rat; it was just what was best for the club. I wanted to tell you but I couldn't risk it. _

_You know how much I love you. I never meant to hurt you like I did when I was pushing you away, I just couldn't imagine having anything bad happen to you like what happened to Abel. Nothing could ever change what I did, and for that I am truly sorry. _

_I will be out and able to hold you in my arms before you even know it. My heart breaks that I can't be there for the birth of our second child. Every day kiss Abel for me and tell my other son I love him so much. _

_You are a strong woman and a good mom Tara. Just hang in there babe. I promise I have a plan for us when I get out. You just need to be strong for us and our children._

_Oh ya- tell the prospects that if they hit on you, I'll kill em'. I promise I'll be faithful to you while I'm locked up, Bobby could never look as good as you (-: _

_I love you Tara  
~Jackson_

I set the paper down and wiped my eyes. How could one man make me cry and laugh at the same time? I leaned back in the chair and took one long sigh of relief. It feels so good to know that Jax is going to be okay, but at the same time the feeling of loneliness just sunk in. How am I going to survive without the love of my life with 2 babies?

Tears start rolling out of my eyes uncontrollably. Damn pregnancy hormones and damn Jax. I know I need to be strong for Abel, but it's just so hard. I hate going without talking to Jax every day. He told me he would write me a letter every day while he was inside to keep his mind busy, but it just isn't going to be enough for me. I'm going to miss his touch, his deep kisses, and him inside of me.

Jax

I sit in the back of the ATF van chained to my seat; my brothers won't even look at me. I know it's all just an act, but I now know what it feels like if I were to betray my club; a feeling I never want to have. I look behind the van and still see the prospects trailing us. How long is it going to take to get the confirmation from the prospects? What if our plan didn't work? What if something went wrong and Stahl knew it was all just an act and we were going to kill her? If this happened I would never get the chance to meet my new son.

It seemed like seconds turned to hours. I have never been so nervous in my life. Just as I thought our plan went to shit, we hear honking coming from the side of the van. We all look up at once and start laughing. We really just pulled this off. I am a fucking genius.

Just as a feeling of relief ran through my body, I felt the van pull to a stop. ATF agents open the door and I see Stockton State Prison, my home for the next 14 months.

One by one, the guards unlocked our hand cuffs and told us to get out of the van, only to be chained back up again with handcuffs and foot restraints.

Fuck, what did I get myself into?

I know exactly what is next to come. Processing. The guards are assholes, but I know I have to hold back my cockiness and bite my tongue. There is no way in hell I am not getting out of here in 14 months.

We are shoved through the prison doors where we are told to line up against the wall. One by one we are processed.

In my new orange clothes, I'm shackled yet again and ready to be transferred to my living quarters. I'm praying I will be in the same room as my fellow brothers. SAMCRO has a lot of enemies in here, and on top of it, we just fucked over the Russian Mafia and the Aryans still want us dead. I just want to be able to sleep at night without worrying about being shanked.

I figured since we are doing short time, we would just be in a housing unit common area so I was confused when the guard stopped outside a 2 man cell. The guard opened the door and I saw Juice laying on the top bunk. His head popped up and I saw a grin across his face.

"Hey sex muffin, we're gunna be cellies!" Juice said in a gay voice.

"Are you fucking serious?" I asked the guard.

"Agent Stahl recommended that SAMCRO be put in a segregation unit due to your enemies" the guard said.

The guard proceeded to take my cuffs off then slam the cell door shut.

"That stupid bitch. Segregation unit?" Juice said.

"Hey actually it is pretty smart if you think about it. If we are all paired up with a brother we can keep a watchful eye out." I said.

"Yea I guess" Juice said

"Plus then I don't have to worry about getting a dick up my ass the whole time I'm in this shit hole" I told Juice.

"Hey buddy you never know what could happen. Tara tells me you're a God in the sack." Juice said winking at me.

"Shut the fuck up Juice." I said shaking my head smiling.

I lay down on my new brick-hard mattress and wondered if my mom and Tara got their letters yet. If we all survive in jail, the minute we get out I know Gemma is gunna kill us one by one for not telling her what was going on and for nearly giving her a heart attack.


	2. Chapter 2

Hey everyone! I'm soooo sorry it has taken so long to get the next chapter up! I've been super busy with finals lately, so since I will have more free time now I promise to get these updated earlier! I'm not super happy about this chapter just to let you all know. BTW, this will not contain slash! Juice was just joking around! Here is a sex scene!

Please review, your reviews are very helpful to me! Thanks!

Once again, I do not own any of the characters, all are owned by Kurt Sutter!

Tara

A week has passed since Jax has been inside. I've never felt so lonely in my life. When I'm not putting in double shifts at the hospital, I try to find anything to do to keep my mind busy. I always find myself worrying about him, hoping he is okay.

Maureen's letters from John are always in the back of my mind. How am I supposed to tell Jax about these? Will he even want to know? How can I ever look at Gemma the same? John's letters prove that he feared for his life and that Gemma and Clay were going to kill him.

Gemma has kept Abel for the last week. I miss him like crazy, but it is good for me to clear my mind and take a minute for myself. I find myself not sleeping much, so when I'm not at the hospital, I'm gradually working on my dad's house, getting it ready to sell. With Abel's hospital bills, my student loans, and Jax not being here to help me, I need all the money I can get right now.

I got my first letter from Jax today and I found out he only has visiting rights once a month. For 14 months he will only get to see me, Abel, and the newest addition to our family 14 times. I guess I'm lucky that I'm able to see him.

Jax

It was the first week of being locked up. The lights were out and I could hear Juice sound asleep, snoring away. If I have to listen to this for 14 more months, I'm going to strangle him.

I lay on my bunk wide awake. I wondered if Tara was sleeping. She couldn't sleep unless she was snuggled up close to me, and I'm really missing her right now. Most nights she would fall asleep with her head on my chest. I would just lay there taking in how beautiful she was.

I've never felt this lonely before and it is just week 1. Tara is the only thing on my mind and probably will be until I get out of here. I think back to some of the memories I've made with her; maybe it will help ease my mind.

My mind begins to wander off and a certain memory of Tara pops into my mind…..

_It was a hot summer day. I just washed my bike at our house and pulled it into the garage to wax it. I cranked the radio up to my favorite rock station and took my shirt off as I could feel the sweat dripping off of me. _

_Tara came out of the house with 2 bottles of beer. She was wearing a cute little tank top and shorts, just showing enough skin to make me want to see more. I don't know how she always does this to me._

"_You look like you could use one", she said as she gave me a beer and hopped up to sit on my work bench. _

"_Wheres the kid?"_

"_I just put him down for a nap; he should be out for a while... Holy shit it's hot out here."_

"_Ya, and it just got hotter," I said as I walked over to her. I stood in between her legs and rested my hands on her hips._

_She leaned in and grabbed my face, pulling it closer to hers. She started kissing me, starting off slow then getting more passionate. My hands started wandering over her breasts and up and down her body._

_I wanted her now. _

"_You know what I've always wanted to do?" I said to her with a smile on my face._

_She hesitated, "What?"_

_I looked over at my bike and looked back at her._

"_Really Jax?" She said sarcastically. _

_Now Tara was always up for trying new things or new places to have sex, so I knew I could get her to do it._

_I looked at her and gave her the look, my pouty lips and puppy dog eyes._

"_Fine, but this better work."_

"_Just trust me Tara, I'll make it work." I walked away and shut the garage door; I don't want the neighbors seeing this._

_I walked back over and started kissing her again. After a few very heated minutes of making out, she wrapped her legs around me and I picked her up off the workbench. Without breaking away from each other's mouths, I grabbed her shirt and pulled it over her head. _

_With her legs still tightly wrapped around my waist, she put one arm around my neck and reached her other arm down and started to un-do my belt, then worked her way to my zipper, pulling my pants off when she was finished. _

_I slammed her against the wall, pushing my body hard against hers. She braced herself against the wall as I reached down and started to un-tie her shorts. I set her down for a minute to pull her shorts completely off, leaving her only in her lacy bra and panties. _

_Wasting no time, I picked her back up and reached my hand down to push her panties aside. I could feel how wet she was already. I rubbed her clit, slowly teasing her, making her beg. I slipped 2 fingers inside of her, moving them in and out until I went to her G-spot. I knew her body like the back of my hand._

_She threw her head back and started to moan. I went faster and faster until she couldn't take it anymore._

"_Uhhhhh Jaxxx, I need you inside of me."_

_I smiled and carried on, she wasn't up for my bike sex idea right away, so I'm going to make her beg._

_I could feel her climaxing, and she started moaning more and more._

"_Jax I need you to fuck me. I'm not even kidding."_

_With a smile on my face, that was all I needed to hear. I carried her over to my bike and set her down._

"_How are we going to do this?" She said having no patience while pulling her underwear off. _

"_I'll show you." I sat down on my bike, the same way as if I were riding it. "Get on"_

_She smiled, grabbed a hold of my shoulders to steady herself while lifting her leg over the bike. She faced me and stood on the pegs to lower herself on to my erection. _

"_Ready?" She said while she sat on top of me for a minute._

"_Not yet" I winked at her then proceeded to turn my bike on._

"_Oh my God, yes!" she said as she started to move up and down on my dick, finding her rhythm. The gentle vibration of the bike making it that much better._

_I was in heaven. I started sucking on her neck and she started moving faster and moaning more. I could feel her muscles start contracting and she was breathing harder. _

"_Fuckkkk Tara" I moaned as I came inside her. _

_She laid her head against mine as we just sat there, both trying to catch our breath. _

_After a few minutes, she looked up at me and smiled, "Dammnit Jackson, now I need a shower." _

The sound of guards yelling snaps me out of my daydream. Jesus Christ how am I going to make it this long without Tara?


	3. Chapter 3

Ahhhh I know its been months since my last update! Totally sorry about that! This chapter is kinda just a filler but I have big plans for the next chapter (-:

Tara

It had been almost 2 months since Jax got locked up. I miss him more than anything. Its not easy being 4 months pregnant, let alone working full time with a toddler. Everyday feels like a routine, the same thing day after day. At the end of the day I'm both physically and mental drained, but I still don't sleep much.

I knew this would be hard but I didn't think it would be this hard. I just need Jax here with me.

The monthly visits to Jax aren't enough. It's a relief to see him and to know that he is okay though. He is so excited to see me. I can tell from the look in his eyes that they aren't safe inside but he tells me everything is fine.

I remember last week's visit…

_For the first time I was nervous going to visit Jax. I just feel so worn down and I don't want him to see me stressed out like this. _

_I spent all morning trying to get ready while trying to keep Abel under control. He gets into everything now. Trying to find an outfit is a task on its own. Hardly anything I own fits me anymore and I don't have time to shop. I settled on a v-neck t-shirt with jeans because it is the only thing that is long enough to cover the fast growing baby bump. I let my hair air-dry into waves and threw a bit of make up on. I put Abel in the car and drove off._

_When I pulled up to Stockton I threw my car in park and rested my head against the steering wheel. I can't believe I have to do this for 10 more months. How is this going to work dragging 2 babies in to see their father? _

_OK. Get yourself together Tara. You can do this. I threw Abel around my hip and started walking towards the entrance. After I went through security, we were led down the hall to the visiting room. Before I opened the door I let out a huge sigh._

_I walked in and saw Jax sitting at a table by himself. The minute he saw me he grinned from ear to ear. As I approached him he stood up and threw his arms around us. I handed him Abel who immediately started smiling when he saw his daddy. I went to sit back down but he didn't let me go. With his free hand he grabbed my hair and deeply kissed me. The prison has a "no touching rule", but the guards have an understanding with Jax. He pulled back and stared into my eyes. "I love you so much babe" he said. _

_I sat down at the table and he followed, inching closer to me until we were touching. _

"_How are you babe?" he asked with his eyes locked onto me.  
"I'm fine"  
"Are you sure Tara? You don't look fine."  
"Thanks, it's good to know I look like crap"  
"You know I didn't mean that, I just mean it can't be easy to be pregnant all alone."  
I shot him a half a smile and turned my head, trying not to show him my freshly watered eyes.  
He placed his hand on my belly and started rubbing.  
"Hows our little prince doing?"  
"Other than him not being very cooperative with mom he's doing good. I can't keep anything I eat down. I have an ultrasound next week to find out if 'he' is really a boy."… I didn't have to heart to tell him that for the last 2 weeks I was supposed to stop at the OBGYN when my shift ended.. but I just couldn't do it. I haven't had an ultrasound since the first one, I just can't do it without Jax. I don't want to watch our child grow without him being there. I feel selfish that he is missing out.  
"Your boobs look like they are taking the pregnancy well" he said while examining my body smiling.  
"Yeah well everything seems to be getting bigger on me, I just can't stop it."  
"Don't worry about it babe. You could never look bad."  
I don't know what it was about that man but he always made me feel good about myself no matter how down I was.  
He took his hand off my belly and grabbed my hand and started to kiss it. Abel started laughing and put his hand to Jax's mouth. He smiled at his son.  
His smile slowly turned to a frown, "God I miss you guys so much"  
"How are you doing Jax? Are the Aryans still out to get you guys? I'm barley sleep because I'm so worried I will never see you again"  
He looked down then looked me in the eyes, "Theres nothing to worry about darling. We are protected. I need you to stop worrying and get some sleep, both for you and the baby"  
I could tell that he was lying but I don't think I wanted to know the truth so I didn't ask more.  
_

Jax

The last 2 months have been hell. Literary. Between missing Tara and Abel and the Aryans trying to kill us one by one, it has not been fun. Clay gave an order to press on a pecker head which landed Happy an extra 6 months. If it came to fighting in prison for Samcro or getting released early for Tara I already know what I would do.

After spending 2 months in a cell with Juice, we have become closer. I told him my ideas for the club when we get out and he agrees with me. It's good to know that he is finally on my side and he knows that things need to change. What good are we going to be if we are incarcerated for the rest of our lives?

Every minute of every day I spend thinking about Tara. I look forward to her visits every month to see how much has changed. She is getting self conscious about her body but I think she looks amazing. It's almost like she was meant to carry my babies. I just need to touch her. To show her how much I love her. The closest I can get to her is to kiss her on our visits, which I had to win the guards over in order to do. I just can't wait to get out of here to spend a week straight with her in bed. To be inside of her and to hear her moan in pleasure. To stare into her eyes. God I fucking need to get out of here.


End file.
